.: recent chaos :.

"Someone you work with is claiming to be working hard to get things done, but have you seen any real progress from them? If not, then your patience is probably running low -- and you need to let them know that you're not very happy. It's not wise to get threatening about it, but you should feel free to be more blunt than diplomatic when you talk to them about what they need to get done. Clear communication sometimes requires that you leave the charm behind. "

horoscope~~!! horoscope~~!! horoscope~~!! suddenly log in friendster n click on d horoscope... n saw this... aiksss....

为什么？

为什么身为leader 的我需要帮别人善后？
为什么我得委屈的向别人说道歉？
为什么我得低声下气的向别人说话？
为什么我得承受别人的冤骂，而祸却不是我闯的？
为什么没有人理解我为何要做每个决定？


一个领袖的职责是这样的吗？
谁能告诉我如何解决一切问题？
下属自以为是，不听劝告，越帮越反效果，反而让别人更不愉快。。我能怎么办？
有人说须多多提点没经验的人，让他们进步；
有人说须放开手让他们自己闯。。
我选择了前者，
因很多很多不同的意见要我不得不选。。
做了选择，
又有人告诉我说不该如此。。
我又何妨不想让他们去闯一闯，
自己站在该站的位子，观察整体。。
但，我能吗？我有得选吗？
我很矛盾，很矛盾。。。



当我发现事情不妙时，立刻当机立断接手所有一切。。
换来的，是感激吗？是成果吗？是完美吗？
不！！
是责备。。



我累了。。 真的累了。。 我该放手吗？
放手让我不甘心。。
我不愿我的结晶品是如此的差。。
我要求太高吗？
我不切实际吗？



谁能告诉我？谁能了解我？谁愿意帮我？
希望明天会更好。。
希望。。。希望。。。希望。。。



我可以许愿吗？
会实现吗？

我。。累了吗？

很多时候，我总喜欢选择逃避现实，逃避责任，逃避不想见的人，逃避在面前紧急须处理的事情。。我知道我错了，但我的勇气始终鼓不出来。。我很懦弱，我很胆小，我很瞧不起我自己。。我怕面对事情，面对尴尬，面对为难。。这一切一切，我都很清楚。。



我又能做什么呢？我常告诉我自己，路是我自己选择的，我选择走这条路，就不该后悔。。每一条路都有自己的终点。。我既然选择了，就须努力，坚强的走到最后。。放弃，在我人生的字典里并不存在。。至少我重来都没有做过。。我没勇气面对，但我重来都不放弃。。我会努力想办法改善。。这是我最值得骄傲的地方。。虽然结果很差，很不理想，很不堪设想，但我总抱着“我努力换来的成果不论在别人眼里有多差，但在我心目中是最好的，至少我有从中学习到东西。。” 我不会伟大的要求过程，要求结果，只是要求大家有进步，有吸取经验，有成长就好了。。



每个人在不同的领域，不同的环境，不同的局限都须有着不同的解决方案，不同的面对方式，唯一不可不同的是想达到目标的心。。一个人坚强的心是最重要的。。在多恶劣的环境都能屹立不倒。。我自认我还没有那么大的本事，我还须学习，磨炼。。所以我常常在累的时候停顿下来，或大哭一场，又或者是和别人诉诉苦。。可是当中也让我学习了不少。

.: BAD ME :.

Are you losing your patience with someone? If it seems like they can't listen to reason, they may have made up their mind already. Maybe they refuse to see any alternatives. If you feel like you've hit a brick wall, then step back and stop hitting your head against it! Learn when enough is enough. If you can't deal with someone, you need to just work around them (or avoid them altogether). Some people just don't know how to work with others, and that is not your problem.

aiksss.... another friendster horoscopes.... this matter really bothers me... so bad tat i had 1 bad day of cny.... feel regret bout it... but luckily some1 had scolded me badly tat makes me feel tat i'm really locking myself all these while... this probs hunts me for long long time... i think it had been quite a couple of years since tat incident... me myself also realize bout it but i never wanna come out from d box.... tat makes my situation even worst...

sometimes i joz know i'll drop to even deeper if i din't try to climb up but i do not hav d courage n determinations to take d first step... not i refuse to, but i scare to be hurt another time... i cant bear d painful in my heart... i'm too soft... tat's y i'm been over-protective of myself... i'll try to oppose everything tat does not suits to me... i'll find all kinds of excuses to protect myself... all becoz of i had been hurt too deep.. but after tat day, i knew i need to... i must CHANGE!! i'm glad tat some1 who cares me, strict to me, point out my mistake loudly... let me wake up from d silly own world...


i'll giv myself a timeline to correct from it... it must not too rush as things will goes upside down when it is over... but in contrast, d time oso must not be too long as i know myself well... i'll drag n lazy to correct it if it is still a long way down d road...

1 MONTHS.... to hav a different shindee.... at least frens around can feel a little difference of it....

6 MONTHS.... back to normal people's life....(not tat i'm abnormal now, but only me will know wat does this mean)... will be walking into the working life with a different characteristics.....

***wishing*** my only hope for 2009 chinese new year...

.: Special Presentzz :.

2day suddenly hav mood 2 update my blog... 2day is d 1st day of exam... this is d 1st time i not stress n study overnight for a paper... i never been so relax b4 for a paper... at least for finals... d feelings id joz like i'm taking mid term paper... frenz around me oso told me tat it seems very easy for this sem's paper... ya~~ i admit i do feel like tat... but when glance through d pass year paper, i promptly panic...


aikss~~!! duwan talk bout d final anymore...


talk bout something happie here~~some present tat makes me happie~~



05/01/2009

Ta Dang~~!! a brand new pencil case.... lip gav me this b4 i went in 2 d exam hall... quite touching at d moment... he is so attentive n caring... he knew my pencil case spoil dy... i not willing to buy another new 1... so he purposely prepare a new 1 4 me...
when i asked him when he bought it, he said quite long time dy... bout last sem...

then i ask "y now only giv it to me??"

he replied "u say u duwan change a new pencil case yet if ur pencil case still can be use... if i giv it 2 u then will be get scolded..."

***** although it looks so "man" using this pencil case, but i appreciate d heart n d intentions...

12/04/2008

ahah~~ this 1 is extremely touching when received it... a digital camera... wow... d birthday gift was so expensive~!! he purposely organized a birthday party 4 me... n make it like a lucky draw for me to choose my present... among them was: go 2 genting, a kiss, digital camera, RM 100 cash, n some others... i had 3 chances to choose for my presents... but it is a trick... there is another box tat keep all those paper written digital cameras...

can c those words?? it is amazing...we joz passby a camera shop during a midnite movie since d movie still hav some time 2 go... d shop had closed... we joz simply look into d window cabinet tat display many camera... he remembered all my words...

10/11/2008

d cute dolls.... ahahaha... he is quite "noob" in choosing soft toys... hehe... he dunno tat gals like bears or something soft... d dolls he bought usually quite large n hard to hug during nite time... so i not used to hug those dollss... once i complained to him tat wat i wanna is dolls tat can be hug... bear is better... but need big... this is d 1 he bought 4 me... 4giv him as he really dunno wat gals wants... but it is touched my heart tat he actually take my words seriously...

25/12/2007
d christmas present~~!! i wish to hav a couple watch for so long... n tat time he does not hav any of it... when i came bac from china, he edy bought this... it's POLO couple watch... happy happy happy...

14/02/2006

Patrick a.k.a RED DOG... it's very large... i think is d largest 1 among those set... he gav it 2 me becoz of a pretty misunderstanding... still remember tat time was 10th cnye Recreational Nite... i'm holding a small patrick n then he saw it... he thought i like patrick so he bought it 4 me a few days later...

.: Frenz :.

It's important to pursue your dreams today. What you want in life isn't just going to be handed to you. You need to figure out a plan of action -- and luckily your brain is sharp enough today to help you sift through all the noise and see what can be done. You've been in a fog about someone for a while, and a conversation with a mutual friend will illuminate some facts you were previously unaware of. Your long-held opinion about them is about to change.

another horoscopes forecast from friendster.... it is totally true of wat it says... i really gonna change my opinion on him.... he is not tat person whom i tell my inner heart anymore... he is no more d person i thought of who he is.... he change 2 another person tat i feel far away from... he change his words n even say stg ridiculous.... i feel i'm so STUPID, NOOB to decide to help him... he never appreciate wat had been done but throw all his responsibility to us.... once i thought he is a good leader... but at least for 2day, nope!! he is not~~!!

never really understand from my stand n start to doubt wat i'm doing... not to admit his mistake on choosing d wrong person n start to blame me not trusting others.... so disappointed with him... i cant think of y... i value him as fren, but to him, he joz value us as person to help him.... n he act like we SHOULD help him...

.: New 09 Year :.

1st day of 2009~~!! A brand new year with full of fancy hopes, extraordinary aspirations, wild dreams.... Actually personally i do not feel d new year atmosphere... never thought of wat to do in the comin years.... at a moment, i do think of "wat if i do not hav chance to welcome another year with open handed?" "wat important things had happened in 2008 tat worth for me to keep in my "limited space" of memory?"

despite all of those silly thoughts n feelings, i still gonna list down my wishes n hopes for the comin year... i hope when i flash back wat had i done in the year 2009 then, i'll hav stg in mind tat is important n meaningful....

here comes d lists of my resolutions:

(i) determinations on keep fit... my target--> less than 50 kg.... only 3kg to lose is like killing me... no1 knows how envy i am to ppl who hav perfect body line..... no1 knows how hurt n sad am i when ppl tease me "fatty"....

--> hav a healthy diet... eat breakfast... normal lunch n less on dinner.... a little exercise as i never love exercise.... .

(ii) treasure my family more.... i wanna be more obedient and love my family members more... they are my loves one forever....wanna giv all my best to my beloved parents

--> love them... love them... love them~~!! actions greater than words...

(iii) hav a good intern followed by a good company for me to continue my career.... every1 out there is discussing about d recession and economy downturn next year... deep in my heart quite worry about my future as dunno how long ago i had been hoping to come out for work....

--> brush up my communication skills as INTERVIEW is d most scary n killing things 4 me....

(iv) can hav more general knowledge..... i'm so admire ppl who knows everything on earth.... i hope i can be as knowledgable as them...

-->it is not hard to achieve this target if i equipped myself with determinations and hard work...1st of all.. to achieve it, i must work hard on research and read newspaper~!!

(v) hav a good relationship and social intercourse.... i does not want to regret on any friendship or relationship anymore... it really hunts me...

--> pay more attention on wat should n should not say.... no more childish thinking n act...

(vi) study abroad?? this is still a question mark 4 me... i'm tired in studies n all those assignments n exams.... but if hav chance for me to continue study (fully sponsored), i'm going to try on it... besides, nowadays, degree holders in not precious anymore....

--> study hard for d last 2 sem.... try hard to apply JPA for extension to study abroad... this is my dream..... my childhood dream... my teenage dream.... n my young adulthood dream... in a hut shell, it is my whole life dream...

tat's all for now.... will keep on updating my wishes to improve myself....