It's time~~

It's been years since i last updated my blog... i knew no1 reading it but it's a way for me to jot down my little memories... I left MMU n started my 1st ever job in Por n Ooi... it was terribly n extremely busy job for an intern... non of my frens is as busy as me as an intern... but i do appreciates the trust given on me to complete the tax return together with other staffs...

Although i'm joz an intern but the job my assistant manager gav to me is ntg more easier job... on top of those busy days, i grateful tat i could learn so so so much tat makes me appreciates wat i hav learn... the tax areas is so huge tat dig my interest to find out more n more during my 4-month-internship...

although i'm not tat satisfy with the management in tat small audit firm, but overall i'm quite happy during the period... i hav a bunch of frens tat can shares jokes n laughters together everyday... we even will come out for gathering on weekends... i feel quite comfortable to stay along with them as our "channel" is almost the same... we hav same thoughts n topics of conversations...

they offered me a vacancy there after my intern but due to the low salary paid, i turned down the offered... to me, i feel tat my degree that i struggle so many years does not only worth a mere RM1.3k... futher more, the company is quite small n the benefits given is not tat good... moreover, working in an audit firm is definately not my choice...

when it comes to the last month of my internship, i receive call from Public Bank tat they offered me the position of Personal Financial Executive with a basic pay of RM2.8k... n the branch the offered to is is so near to my house... working in a bank is always my dream n my hope when i decided to take up Financial Engineering courses... i should hav very happy but the job scope of the position is SALES... the word tat i'm always say NO to...

in the mist of deciding whether to take up Public bank as a sales personnel or continue to work in P&O, i receives calls from Hwang DBS... i went for the interview without any preparations... the 1st session is writing eassay on the recent economic... 2nd is interviewed by 2 person with all those questions mostly on wat i had learn in the lecture b4.. but i hav totally forgotten bout it dy... the last interview is by the finance manager... i get shots n lots of negatives comments from the managers... i gav myself a D for the interview session n lost hope on it... but to my surprise they offer me the job of finance executive with the starting pay of RM2k...

i decided to go for Hwang as the job scope is very ideal to a Financial Engineers like me... but lots of barriers restraints me from choosing the job n forced me to choose Public Bank... the next posts will be my days in Public Bank...

.: recent chaos :.

"Someone you work with is claiming to be working hard to get things done, but have you seen any real progress from them? If not, then your patience is probably running low -- and you need to let them know that you're not very happy. It's not wise to get threatening about it, but you should feel free to be more blunt than diplomatic when you talk to them about what they need to get done. Clear communication sometimes requires that you leave the charm behind. "

horoscope~~!! horoscope~~!! horoscope~~!! suddenly log in friendster n click on d horoscope... n saw this... aiksss....

为什么？

为什么身为leader 的我需要帮别人善后？
为什么我得委屈的向别人说道歉？
为什么我得低声下气的向别人说话？
为什么我得承受别人的冤骂，而祸却不是我闯的？
为什么没有人理解我为何要做每个决定？


一个领袖的职责是这样的吗？
谁能告诉我如何解决一切问题？
下属自以为是，不听劝告，越帮越反效果，反而让别人更不愉快。。我能怎么办？
有人说须多多提点没经验的人，让他们进步；
有人说须放开手让他们自己闯。。
我选择了前者，
因很多很多不同的意见要我不得不选。。
做了选择，
又有人告诉我说不该如此。。
我又何妨不想让他们去闯一闯，
自己站在该站的位子，观察整体。。
但，我能吗？我有得选吗？
我很矛盾，很矛盾。。。



当我发现事情不妙时，立刻当机立断接手所有一切。。
换来的，是感激吗？是成果吗？是完美吗？
不！！
是责备。。



我累了。。 真的累了。。 我该放手吗？
放手让我不甘心。。
我不愿我的结晶品是如此的差。。
我要求太高吗？
我不切实际吗？



谁能告诉我？谁能了解我？谁愿意帮我？
希望明天会更好。。
希望。。。希望。。。希望。。。



我可以许愿吗？
会实现吗？

我。。累了吗？

很多时候，我总喜欢选择逃避现实，逃避责任，逃避不想见的人，逃避在面前紧急须处理的事情。。我知道我错了，但我的勇气始终鼓不出来。。我很懦弱，我很胆小，我很瞧不起我自己。。我怕面对事情，面对尴尬，面对为难。。这一切一切，我都很清楚。。



我又能做什么呢？我常告诉我自己，路是我自己选择的，我选择走这条路，就不该后悔。。每一条路都有自己的终点。。我既然选择了，就须努力，坚强的走到最后。。放弃，在我人生的字典里并不存在。。至少我重来都没有做过。。我没勇气面对，但我重来都不放弃。。我会努力想办法改善。。这是我最值得骄傲的地方。。虽然结果很差，很不理想，很不堪设想，但我总抱着“我努力换来的成果不论在别人眼里有多差，但在我心目中是最好的，至少我有从中学习到东西。。” 我不会伟大的要求过程，要求结果，只是要求大家有进步，有吸取经验，有成长就好了。。



每个人在不同的领域，不同的环境，不同的局限都须有着不同的解决方案，不同的面对方式，唯一不可不同的是想达到目标的心。。一个人坚强的心是最重要的。。在多恶劣的环境都能屹立不倒。。我自认我还没有那么大的本事，我还须学习，磨炼。。所以我常常在累的时候停顿下来，或大哭一场，又或者是和别人诉诉苦。。可是当中也让我学习了不少。

.: BAD ME :.

Are you losing your patience with someone? If it seems like they can't listen to reason, they may have made up their mind already. Maybe they refuse to see any alternatives. If you feel like you've hit a brick wall, then step back and stop hitting your head against it! Learn when enough is enough. If you can't deal with someone, you need to just work around them (or avoid them altogether). Some people just don't know how to work with others, and that is not your problem.

aiksss.... another friendster horoscopes.... this matter really bothers me... so bad tat i had 1 bad day of cny.... feel regret bout it... but luckily some1 had scolded me badly tat makes me feel tat i'm really locking myself all these while... this probs hunts me for long long time... i think it had been quite a couple of years since tat incident... me myself also realize bout it but i never wanna come out from d box.... tat makes my situation even worst...

sometimes i joz know i'll drop to even deeper if i din't try to climb up but i do not hav d courage n determinations to take d first step... not i refuse to, but i scare to be hurt another time... i cant bear d painful in my heart... i'm too soft... tat's y i'm been over-protective of myself... i'll try to oppose everything tat does not suits to me... i'll find all kinds of excuses to protect myself... all becoz of i had been hurt too deep.. but after tat day, i knew i need to... i must CHANGE!! i'm glad tat some1 who cares me, strict to me, point out my mistake loudly... let me wake up from d silly own world...


i'll giv myself a timeline to correct from it... it must not too rush as things will goes upside down when it is over... but in contrast, d time oso must not be too long as i know myself well... i'll drag n lazy to correct it if it is still a long way down d road...

1 MONTHS.... to hav a different shindee.... at least frens around can feel a little difference of it....

6 MONTHS.... back to normal people's life....(not tat i'm abnormal now, but only me will know wat does this mean)... will be walking into the working life with a different characteristics.....

***wishing*** my only hope for 2009 chinese new year...